When I was sixteen years old I was part of a youth performance collective. Formed by a bunch of high schools, it comprised musicians, singers and dancers who toured the east coast of New South Wales for a few weeks performing for local communities.
I successfully auditioned as a dancer. I was so chuffed to be selected, and headed off to a weekend retreat to rehearse for the show.
The show’s finale was “You’re the Voice” by John Farnham and featured the whole cast singing the song.
In rehearsal, we were learning the song and whilst I was a dancer and had no singing training, I was giving it my best shot.
I loved music, and had spent many hours with my younger brothers recording ourselves singing, dancing around the lounge room, so I was fully into it.
As the song finished, my friend sitting next to me said:
I know you’re a dancer, but you could at least try to sing in tune?!
My humiliated, feeble response… “I was!”
Crushed, from that day on, including the show I was performing in, I never allowed my singing voice to be heard in public. Not even for “Happy Birthday”.
My friend wasn’t being purposely unkind, although she was the competitive type (a trained singer as well as a dancer).
What she said spoke directly to my “not good enough” and I’ve never completely healed from it.
This story shows the power of that mean voice inside our heads that tells us “you’re not good enough”.
I’m sure you know this voice, too.
The voice is incessant, chattering away constantly to remind you of your failures, warning you not to step outside your comfort zone for fear of that embarrassing spotlight shining on your shortcomings once again, for all and sundry to see.
The voice says things that you would never dream of saying to another person, particularly someone you love. Critical, judgemental, negative, limiting and downright abusive. This voice sometimes whispers, often roars, so loud it is impossible to ignore, it is deafening, drowning out your desperate protest to “stop, be quiet!”
What I’ve learned as I’ve got older is that this voice can be quieted, it can be ignored and it can be stopped.
The way is through meditation. Starting with a loving kindness meditation is simple, gentle and centres on gratitude for yourself and others.
I use the Insight timer app because its free and there are so many different tracks you can listen to, depending on where you’re at as you come to sit and be still in meditation.
If the voice has really got a hold on you, you might consider seeing a therapist who can help you work through the trauma, experiences or beliefs that gave the voice space to start chattering to begin with.
I don’t know why I’ve held on to that comment from my friend for so long. But whilst I won’t do karaoke, no matter how many drinks I’ve had, I do now sing at rock concerts and sometimes in the car with my husband (who tells me I have a sweet singing voice).
I’m working hard at training myself to notice that “not good enough” voice when it starts up. Whether it can be ignored, or I take a few deep breaths, or pop on a meditation track, I know well that if I let it go on, it’s a slippery slope to depression, anxiety or a panic attack.
And like any muscle that gets trained, the more I work at it, the stronger I become and the more I heal.
the-well-club.com 