Top 3 reasons to stick with date night

I used to love date night. As a new, working mother to a couple of young boys, I craved time alone with my then husband.

We implemented a rule: no talking about kids or work. It meant we had to create space for other things, with the goal that our marriage would be about more than those impermanent, all consuming stages of life.

Date night is widely accepted to be a simple relationship preserving marker in the calendar for busy people navigating the stresses of life in an “always on” world.

But are we being sold a myth? Is date night promising more than a 90 minute outing could ever hope to deliver on?

Deliver it can! With my now husband, date night has become a series of precious hours carved out in the midst of weeks stuffed with myriad commitments typical of a life full of obligation and service to others.

So with that in mind, here’s 3 takeouts gleaned from decades of date nights, a failed marriage, a successful marriage and a ton of podcasts about love, life and relationships. (and yes, these are all song titles!)

1. Love the one you’re with. Where date night is feeling forced, a mere escape from the drudgery of life, soaked in Chardonnay and Toohey’s New, you might need a reset that’s stronger than a Thursday night at the local bistro. Think counselling or time to really talk about issues or challenges as they crop up.
2. You can do magic. Changing it up can reinvigorate a routine and the chemistry with your partner. Try dancing lessons. A new cuisine. A simple picnic under the full moon. Stay at home and get intimate by candle light. Share a bubble bath or bathing ritual. Make magic and great love with your partner. It might be as simple as trying out the six second kiss.
3. Listen to your heart. Try as you might, finding space for date nights may well reveal (as Roxette sang) the fight is not worthwhile. The gap is too wide, the values not aligned and in the best interests of those you love, including yourself and your partner, your shared path is best divided. Date night can be a vehicle for carving the way forward with mutual love and respect. That’s rare, but possible. Consider date night as an opportunity to reflect on the quality and direction of your relationship.

There’s so much more to say about date night. For more in depth and illuminating reading, check out our recent post on “Eight Dates”. It’s a sure way forward, new chapter or loving end to a respectful relationship.

I used to love date night. As a new, working mother to a couple of young boys, I craved time alone with my then husband.

We made a rule: no talking about kids or work. It meant we had to make space for other things, with the goal that our marriage would be about more than those all-consuming stages of life.

Date night is widely accepted to be a simple relationship marker in the calendar for busy people navigating the stresses of life.

But are we being sold a myth? Is date night promising more than a 90-minute outing could ever hope to deliver on?

With my now husband, date night has become a series of precious hours carved out in the midst of weeks filled with many commitments typical of a life full of obligation and service to others.

So with that in mind, here’s 3 takeaways from decades of date nights, a couple of husbands, and a lot of podcasts about love, life, and relationships.

1. Love the one you’re with. When date night feels forced, you might need a reset that’s stronger than just a night out. Think about counseling or taking time to talk about issues or challenges as they come up.
2. You can do magic. Changing things up can reinvigorate a routine and the chemistry with your partner. Try dancing lessons, a new cuisine, a simple picnic under the full moon, or a cozy night at home by candlelight.
3. Listen to your heart. Finding space for date nights may reveal that the fight is not worthwhile. Date night can be an opportunity to reflect on the quality and direction of your relationship.

For more on this topic, check out our recent post on “Eight Dates”. It’s a helpful guide for nurturing a healthy and loving relationship.